WRITING PROMPT: Born a villain, I find yourself leaning more and more towards the good as I get older.
I don’t think I am that old. Really. Not yet. Middle aged, that magical Hitchhiker’s number 42. I am not as old as my mentor, the great Joker of Gotham, turning 80 this year poolside at Sunny Pastures Retirement Community. I hear he still acts the scoundrel with the young nurses.
But of course I’m much older than those juvenile Minions I trained up.
Right, I’m getting old enough to have second thoughts. I suppose being middle-aged ultimately leads us to reflect on where have been, what our current life’s trajectory is, and how to adjust that trajectory to reach the ridiculous pinnacle we hit before we were old enough to walk into a bar.
I am a villain. Not a successful villain or you would have heard of me, would already know who I was from the clues given. As I get older, I find myself questioning everything about my villainy. Looking back at that 20-year-old mischief-maker and wondering how I went from impressing hotties by stealing cars to poorly laid plans for world domination. Of course, I’m too old to give a rat’s ass about stealing cars anymore. Hell, I may not be much of a villain, but I do drive a 63 Corvette. Cherry condition. All the hotties are impressed, I’m sure of it.
So the question remains: do I want to run out my few remaining good years (plus whatever I get at Sunny Pastures Retirement Community) as a villain? Am I really a bad guy? I wish I knew where to go from here.
As far as mid-life crisis go, I can’t leave-the-wife-for-a-younger-hotter-girl because I’m not married. Never said ‘I do’ with that death sentence. I can’t buy-a-sports-car-and-pretend-like-the-faster-I-go-the-younger-I-am. Like I said, I already drive a 63 Corvette. Cherry condition. And trust me, I go fast.
A lot of villains hit my age and go to really grotesque extremes trying to prove something to themselves; I’m looking at you Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed, bathing in the blood of virgins to retain her youth. What is it about Transylvania? If I do decide to continue on as a villain, I would be wise to spend some time there. Take in the sights, winter in a castle. I understand you can’t go ten miles in that part of the world without tripping over another castle. Bet they’ve never seen a 63 Corvette, though.
But I digress; I simply have no desire to murder a ton of people just because my age has got me down. Maybe deep down I really am a softie. I guess that’s the only real way for a villain to have mid-life crisis: become a good guy, even if it’s just for a few years. Of course, I’ll still have to break the law to show off to the hotties. Like I said in the beginning, I’m not that old.
